Teens who are blind or have low vision need to learn many things to be successful in the modern world. One of these important areas is appropriate table manners when dining with friends, family, or work colleagues. Sometimes, while at home or with friends at school, we can get lax.
Imagine being invited to a job interview with a lunch or dinner component, or going out on your first day of an internship with colleagues to grab lunch. You are being assessed not only on your answers to the interview questions but also on your table manners. This post will take the mystery out of good table manners and help you feel confident at the next meal with friends, family, or perhaps that dream employer.
Washing Hands
Before eating at a home or restaurant, it is good practice to wash your hands. Having clean hands is so important to prevent the spread of illness. As someone who is blind or has low vision, I often touch things more than sighted people might. Washing hands also ensures that you present yourself well at a meal with others. Dirty hands at a meal make a poor first impression.
Table Orientation
At a restaurant or other gathering, when the table has been set before you arrive, take a few moments to orient yourself to your place setting. At a formal place setting, your plate will be directly in front of the chair, with the napkin either on the plate or on the chair. To the right of the plate are a knife and a spoon. Above the knife is a water glass. The glass may be full or empty. Carefully move your fingers around the place setting to find the glass. Note if it is full so that spills can be prevented.
On the left side of the plate, you will likely have two forks. Closest to the plate is your salad fork, which is smaller than the dinner fork. Next to the salad fork is the dinner fork. If the napkin is not on the plate, it may be under the forks. If not in this location, it may be placed in the empty water glass.
Proper Silverware Use
Learning to use silverware properly is another important skill for you to master. This is an excellent topic to practice with a Vision Rehabilitation Therapist or Teacher of Students with Visual Impairments. There are several ways to use silverware properly. The most common method for cutting is to hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right. Hold the fork between the pointer and middle fingers of your dominant hand rather than having it in the fist like a dagger. Similarly, to bring food to your mouth, use your dominant hand to hold the fork or spoon as indicated above.
Don’t be an Eager Beaver
Once you have received your food, it is tempting to dig in and start tasting the deliciousness in front of you. Resist the temptation to start eating before everyone at your table has been served. Waiting until everyone has been served shows respect for others in your group. If you are unable to see when everyone has been served, pause and listen to the sounds around you. When you hear people start using their utensils, it is safe to assume that you may begin eating. If you want reassurance, quietly ask the person to your right or left to let you know when others start eating. There’s no shame in asking a companion to provide this visual information. This shows self-advocacy skills in action.
Open or Closed
Always chew with your mouth closed. Chewing with your mouth open shows the entire world what you are eating, and this is not an enjoyable sight for your dining companions. Chewing with your mouth closed also reduces the sounds others hear.
Keeping your mouth closed while chewing prevents the urge to talk with your mouth full. Speaking with your mouth full is not polite in any circumstance, whether it is a family or business meal.
No Reach, No Spill
When dining in a group, it’s best to avoid reaching across the table. Even with the best intentions, you might accidentally touch something meant for everyone (like dipping a finger into the salad dressing or brushing against a centerpiece.) If you need something that’s out of reach, ask someone to pass it to you. For example, say, “Could you please pass the pepper?” This not only prevents spills or accidents but also helps keep the meal enjoyable and comfortable for everyone at the table.
Please Pass the Potatoes
If you are eating a meal in a family-style setting, dishes are passed around the table. Imagine a meal with four people at a round table. There is roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, and rolls on the table. The person to your left will pass you the dish nearest to them. There is a fork or serving spoon in the dish. If you are unable to see where the serving utensil is, it’s appropriate to ask your neighbor to direct you to the utensil. It’s even appropriate to ask for assistance in putting the food on your plate if needed.
After you have finished serving yourself, pass the meat to the person to your right so it can continue its trip around the table. Food continues to be served in this manner until all items have been served to all guests. If an item is passed to you and you don’t want it, it is appropriate to quietly pass it to the person to your right without putting the food on your plate.
Cutting Skills
Many people who are blind or have low vision cut their own food independently. If you haven’t been cutting your own food, you can practice at home. Start with Play-Doh when learning to cut food. It has a nice consistency that will enable you to practice the physical motions of cutting with a knife and fork. Describing cutting skills and techniques is beyond the scope of this post, but working closely with a professional will allow you to learn the techniques in a comfortable environment.
If you’re at a restaurant and haven’t learned to cut your own food, you can ask the waiter to have your meat or other items cut in the kitchen. When your food arrives, check the size of the pieces.
Oh! a Buffet Meal
Buffets are a special challenge for individuals who are blind or low vision. Depending on the lighting conditions, you may struggle to see which options are available. If you are unable to see the available options, it is appropriate to ask a companion to describe them. It is also appropriate to ask for assistance in dishing up your plate as you go through the line if you are uncomfortable serving yourself.
If you have a guide dog, it is especially important to keep your dog under good control while going through the buffet line. Food-driven breeds, such as the Labrador retriever, would have no problem taking advantage of your attention being elsewhere and taking a surprise sniff or lick at the food table. This is not the impression you want to leave your dining companions with. So, you might want to leave your dog at the table with a trusted friend or, while going through the line, switch the dog to your side, away from the food.
Polite Conversation
While eating with others, social conversation is always appropriate. Keep topics polite and noncontroversial. This is especially important when eating in a professional setting. Ensure that topics discussed at the dinner table are appropriate for everyone in the group.
Dining Skills
It is always good manners to place your napkin on your lap when starting the meal. Use your napkin to dab your mouth during the meal.
Never Hurry
It is good practice to pace yourself throughout the meal. You’re there to socialize with others or make a good first impression on a potential employer. It is never appropriate to rush through your meal and finish before everyone has even gotten halfway through theirs.
Finish Line
Know when you are done. If you feel full, stop. That is your body’s signal that you shouldn’t keep eating. After you finish your meal, place your utensils on your plate with the utensils pointing straight across your plate from right to left. If you are in a restaurant, this will signal to the servers that you have finished your meal and that it is appropriate for them to clear your place setting. Be aware that they may not even ask to remove your plate once you’ve indicated you’re finished.
Conclusion
Learning appropriate table manners is an important skill set for teens. This will allow you to participate appropriately in social and professional settings.
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